“The man who first honored, has honored himself”

~~ Afrikan Proverb

Although I am now a woman with a great many titles and honors bestowed upon me, the one title or honor bestowed was the one I chose from Orun, WOMAN. The title of life in Aiye as a woman, my own personal me is the one I value the most.

Oftentimes, we scream, and sometimes rightfully so, for others to respect us. We will defend our right to be respected so much so, that man f us will kill or maim at the thought we might be “dissed”.

I’ve always stressed in my teachings that we should first hold close our own personal self before expecting anyone else to do it for you. We cannot and should not expect others to do what we will not do for ourselves. The hip hop group ‘Goodie Mob” hit it on the head whey they said of the Black Woman, “you’ve got to respect yourself before I can”, meaning the Black woman needed to have self esteem and respect for her individual self before she could expect anyone else to do it for her.

We really don’t need titles to define us. They are not really necessary. I felt the same after each title was bestowed upon me and tried my level best to fit in the footsteps they represented. Did any of them change my thought processes in the moment? Nope.

Self esteem is something we are born with, along with dignity, honor. These attributes are soon replaced by our environment with negative images. These images are lies designed to create a state of imbalance within us. Over time, the shame and degradation we’ve been taught takes hold and pervades the very essence of who we really are. We begin to dishonor that which was mean to be honored and disrespect that which was made to be respected…ourselves.

Answer this question for me….how does it really feel deep down inside that part of you where no one gets to do but you when others want you to be something you are not, or they want to impose their own version of who you are upon you? Really Sistahs, does it feel good to you? No, it really does not, but we buy the lie every time and try to live up to the expectations of some who don’t know who they are. The line will always change with these people and you will continue to stay out of balance when you deal with these unbalanced people. Remember, your own defining factor or equation should first include YOU. Only other women can define a woman. Once we can take in that piece we are on the road to healing. No man can define a woman. This is one reason I am a proponent of traditional Women and Men’s Societies.

By losing or being conditioned to be someone else, we no longer respect or try to elevate our own essence and the person we are no longer stares back at us in the mirror. You might ask me how does one change this? Well here is one thought:

There has been no greater crime than our legacy of self hate. The result is that we have begun to pursue external validation as opposed to embracing the essence of ourselves. We begin the transformation process and bond with our soul, we begin to attain a state of balance. We then go from helpless with no knowledge of self to a state of power and awareness that we have a higher purpose in this lifetime. We begin to move toward that place where we no one’s opinion but our own matters to us. Internal honor outweighs all else.

Ashe